just come out here and I will go home with you...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is Oprah even human
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
