Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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