OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
