1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
