I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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