We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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