I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
