I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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