i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
