I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
