maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
