I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
