oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
