ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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