I accidentally burped into my bong.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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