My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
