nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
