I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
