I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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