So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
