Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
