I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
