Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
