Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
