Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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