i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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