im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
