Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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