So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
