the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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