Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
