I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
