So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
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Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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