i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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