Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
