So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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