I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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