at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
