i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
