Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
