my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
