Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
