You really coming over, don't trick.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
