Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
