Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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