So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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