it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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