At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
