The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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