I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
