Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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