On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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