I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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