I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
