wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
