Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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