I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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