I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have tasted many bathrooms
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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