3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
