just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
